One of the most challenging lessons we all must learn is that love doesn’t happen the way we want or expect that it should. I’m a sucker for romantic comedies but their 120-minute storyline often takes shortcuts, leading hopeless romantics like me to believe that love happens as smoothly and seamlessly as it did for the characters in my favorite movie. Life taught me that nothing could be further from the truth.
I host several events throughout the year empowering women in their quest to find healthy, long term relationships. These workshops give inspiration, tips and most importantly insight on love, dating and marriage. Recently at an event, I met a young lady who asked me if I would feel as happy and confident about love if I had experienced the same heartache she had. I recognized the moment as a turning point in this young woman’s life. Too many of us have this same outlook on life when it comes to relationships. We believe love should be easy, effortless, and instantaneous. We love to give love and to be loved but finding a partner who compliments you and genuinely wants the best for you is not easy, effortless or instantaneous. I brought the young woman on stage with me and shared my personal story with her and the audience.
From the outside you see a polished, accomplished version of who I am and what I represent, but it hasn’t always been this way. My love life has had failed relationships, failed marriage, failed attempts, and toxic situations. Needless to say, I was a mess and suffered far more than what my current appearance reflects. I was 31 and had the professional career I wanted, but I was very unsuccessful in love. In an attempt to rush love, I ignored the tell-tale signs and chose to commit to the wrong person. I reminded the young lady and the audience that I was in their shoes not long ago. I too have been disappointed, frustrated, misled, heartbroken, and taken advantage of all in the name what I thought was love. Still, I chose not to be defeated.
My life was and is not perfect but to better my circumstance, I re-evaluated my choices, life goals and everything I thought I knew about love. I did this in hopes of learning to love myself as fiercely and unconditionally as I wanted to be loved. I want to reiterate becoming ‘relationship ready’ takes time, patience and consistent effort. There is no quick fix. In fact, it’s a lengthy process that is only successful if you are willing to get uncomfortable and challenge yourself to be a better individual. Loving someone first requires you to love yourself, faults and all. Again, this cannot and does not happen overnight. There are no formulas or shortcuts. If you want a successful relationship, you must put in the work.
My decision to examine who I was and what I wanted was difficult and uncomfortable, but not doing so was preventing me from reaching success in a relationship. This is a popular issue among men and women. We are complacent in our comfort zones, scared to commit to the process of loving, and consequently stand in our own way of finding the love we want. If you have or are currently experiencing similar ‘stuck in your comfort zone’ issues write in and let me know your situation. I care about your love life and want to help you reach success in your relationships.
XOXO,
Jennifer J. Hayes
